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Why We Hate the Minnesota Wild

Rivalry Week picks up with this addition

NHL: Calgary Flames at Minnesota Wild Harrison Barden-USA TODAY Sports

It’s rivalry week here at SBNation and it’s sort of divulged into a bit of maddening chaos where everyone is hating on random teams along with their rivals. While we’re obviously still going to get to the Flames biggest rivals, we have to get to some of the other teams we downright despise.

Today it’s the Minnesota Wild and their penchant for just being so damn forgettable.

1. You’re Just SO BORING to Watch!!!

I don’t know if this is just a Flames-Wild thing or a wider ranging problem. Regardless there isn’t another team that I more dread playing when the schedule is released each year. It has absolutely nothing to do with the skill of the Wild either, it’s just that games against them tend to be downright horrendous from an entertainment value. They’re like the Devils of the early 2000’s who would get up 1-0 and then just shut it all down the rest of the night.

Ugh, they’re just so stupidly boring. It feels like every game is 2-1 or less. That being said the teams actually had a rare entertaining game this year for the first time in forever, with the Flames winning in a shootout 5-4 on January 5. Don’t worry though, the teams responded with an enthralling 2-1 Flames victory at the Dome four days later.

There are roughly six goals scored per game in the NHL these days, however these two teams have scored more than six goals just once in their last 13 meetings, and six times in their last 39. In fact, over half of the last 13 meetings have only featured three goals or less in the game. YOU’RE SO BORING!

2. The Parise and Suter Contracts Helped Cause a Lockout

Y’all signed those absolutely insane contracts right before the lockout and they ended up being a big reason for it. 13 years at 98M for each of them is just so stupid, aah! Considering this past year was just the 8th year of that deal, I will give you no empathy or support as you continue to flounder for five more years under those ridiculous contracts that take both players to the age of 40. Also signing these players for a combined $196M and then turning around that fall to complain about owner revenue splits makes it that much easier to dislike you.

Also like, full NMC’s on the deal. There’s a reason these contracts were made illegal.

3. The Greatest Average Team of All-Time

You’re just so forgettable. You’ve never had a superstar save for maybe Marian Gaborik for three years after the NHL lockout, and even his best season was 30 goals and 57 points in an injury shortened 48 game season.

Your team has been consistently in the playoffs but done nothing once there, only making the third round once in your franchise history. You’ve only won your division once in your existence which was way back in the days of the Northwest Division.

Even when you’ve had a strong looking regular season squad, I’ve never heard anyone getting worried about going to play the Minnesota Wild. I’m pretty sure I can only pick out like three other Wild players off the top of my head outside of the ones I’ve already mentioned in the article.

You also can’t hit on your draft picks. Sure you’ve had some decent first round picks, but nobody has really developed into a superstar since Brent Burns in 2003 AND THEN YOU TRADED HIM WHEN HE WAS GETTING GOOD! I have a soft spot for Calgary native Matt Dumba and I think he has potential, but he’s already the center of trade rumors.

4. Minnesota is such a forgettable sports city

As a fan of each of the four major North American sport leagues, I pride myself on trying to be up to date on all the teams. Yet, I struggled to remember that Minnesota had a team in each of the four leagues.

The Wild as we’ve already talked about have accomplished absolutely squat and were replacements for the North Stars.

The Minnesota Vikings have also never won a championship and were beaten by the vastly superior Philadelphia Eagles in 2018 who then celebrated a championship on the Vikings field two weeks later. The Eagles own that stadium now forever and ever. Go back to that college stadium where Blair Walsh shanked a 20 yarder in the playoffs.

The Twins get some respect because they’ve won championships and actually look to have a decent team again but they’ve lost 16 playoff games in a row lol.

The Timberwolves are the NBA’s most forgettable team in my opinion. You butchered the prime of Kevin Garnett and your logo looks like it was made in a high school graphic powerpoint class. We see you copying the Arizona Coyotes.


Okay now for something nice about Minnesota to end the article.......... your jerseys are kinda nice. Eh, maybe. I don’t like you.