This Week Last Decade – The Beginningery!

Hi Kids. You don't mind if I hang out over here for a bit, do you? I have my own blog, but I keep saying bad things about Eric Francis and Andrew Walker, and now they've sent hired goons after me (and I hear they're cutters!), so I need a place to hide out for a while. Matchsticks and Gasoline have been kind of enough to let me crash on the couch while I figure out my next move. I've decided that while I'm here, I'd share a few of my thoughts with you, if you're game.

When I was a kid, I used to fight my sisters for the prizes in the cereal box. Believe me, it got ugly. I knocked them out. They should have known I was going to throw some hooks, but either way, I’d never be denied. As a result, I have this thing for rewards. Accolades are shiny and determine your worth as a person. So it’s in my nature to single out the Calgary Flames and determine, depending on the week it was, who shone the most, or who sucked the least. Or at the very least, who was the most interesting. Because sometimes we all win that way. This week’s player of the week is…

Brendan Morrison!

Yeah that guy.

Kinda obvious this week, wasn't it? In 3 games this week, B-Mo put up 2 goals, 5 assists, 1 hit (!), and looked so ruggedly handsome doing it. I don't really care for or track advanced statistic metrics, so if you're interested in any of that information, there happens to be some pretty good sources for that here at M & G, so I'm sure either Azevedo or Arik would me MORE than happy to provide you with some details on a subject I just so callously disparaged.

Brendan’s week is impressive enough on it’s own, but when you consider the peripherals, it becomes art. I would frame it if I could. I would hang it in an art gallery and have pretentious vulgarians discuss its meaning with their contemporaries, each one of them horrendously misinterpreting it in quick succession. Then I would sell it to a collector for an exorbitant fee, and retire on the return, freeing me up to come back on the internet and talk about how great Brendan Morrison’s week was.

HYPERBOLE!

7 points in a week is a decent haul, but when it's:

• they were meaningful points
• his first action in 11 days
• he’s coming off an injury
• he’s old enough to be Jim Morrison
• he used to play with Todd Bertuzzi

well then as far as I'm concerned, Morrison can take the rest of the year off and I'd still be happy with his production this season.

For me though, the icing on the cake was when Morrison took control of the team and earned Coach of the Year consideration when he was able to make a Dave Lowry power play system come to life. I have no idea what he said, or what he drew up on the board, but after going into the second intermission against Colorado 0 for 5 on the power play, Mo put on his Toe Blake hat and coached the hell out of the extra man scenarios, leading the team to two power play goals in the third (both of which he assisted on) and propelling the Flames to their second victory in a row.

So suck on that Dave Lowry…who the (I'm not allowed to swear here) let you run the power play? Do you remember your career?

NO ONE is naive enough to believe that Morrison is going to continue this level of asskickery for the rest of the year. Chances are he puts up total 0-fers all next week, but as long as he’s doing the things to help the team win (1.000 winning percentage with him in the lineup this week! MVP! MVP!) you have to keep putting him in the lineup, and putting him in important situations. That sucks for you, Roman Horak, because for some reason this team is unaware of Matt Stajan’s uncanny inability to play hockey.

So here's to you, Brendan Morrison. You are the inaugural Flame Who Did Good Things of the Week. For your stellar contributions, you are awarded the Al "Wool" Coates…coat.

1. Brendan Morrison

******

This Day in Calgary Flames Young Guns history:

Your Calgary Flames beat the Tampa Bay Lightning 2-1 on this day in 1998, in front of an astonishing 11,614 Tampa residents and in hiding cocaine dealers. The game was highlighted by 2 point nights for both Andrew Cassels and noted asshole Cory Stillman, as well as a solid showing by goaltender Jean-Sebastien Giguere. And the spontaneous combustion of Bob Bassen. May he rest in peace.

The big takeaway from the game was when Flames forward Clarke Wilm saw something shiny in the crowd and dragged his knuckles over to the glass, where he sat there, drooling, staring off at a fan’s jacket zipper for 20 minutes. It was the highest offensive output of his entire season.

Meanwhile, Ed Ward was still trying to figure out why his parents named him Ed Ward. The answer was because they were terrible parents.

by neil davies