Cosmo Quiz: Are the Calgary Flames Devoted to Me?

Derek Leung

In lieu of a 5 Questions today, I decided to come up with something fun. This something turned out to be a Cosmo Quiz about whether my man was devoted to me. Given that I have no man in my life, the Flames will have to suffice. Here's what Cosmo had to say about the Flames and my relationship.

1. How often does your guy tell you you're beautiful?

- Every so often, at random mushy moments when you're wearing something he loves.
- Daily -- sometimes hourly!
- Uh, still waiting ...

The Calgary Flames have never told me that. The best I've gotten is a generic thank you for being such a great fan.

2. When you introduced him to your closest friends, he said:

-"Nice to meet you" with a big smile.
-"Hi," then silence -- he looked a bit bored.
-"I've heard so much about all of you! So, how'd you become friends?

Just look at the toothy smiles on those fellas!

3. Your leading man is most like Tom Cruise in:

-Vanilla Sky: You're his Penelope Cruz -- he'd risk everything for you.
-Top Gun: Sometimes you're chasing him; sometimes he's chasing you.
-Jerry Maguire: He had you at hello... but you're still confused about how he feels.

Things are looking up, but for a long time they barely acknowledged me. No intellectual honesty, just confusing attempts to remain the same.

4. If you came down with a nasty cold, do you think he'd get his butt off the couch and come over to take care of you?

-Maybe he'd stop by -- but he'd definitely give you checkup calls.
-Doubt it -- he'd probably assume you could take care of yourself.
-Absolutely -- he'd be by your side in a flash, bearing soup and Blockbuster DVDs -- you wouldn't even have to ask.

I can't remember the last time the Flames came to visit me- or any of us really. If we want to see them, we have to make the effort. :(

5. Which one of you winds up talking more about your job and career plans?

-Him -- whenever you mention your office, he gets a glazed look in his eyes.
-You -- he always asks about your gig and listens patiently -- even when you're bitching about it for hours.
-It's pretty split -- whoever is going through more stress and upswings.

While I do hear a lot more about the Flames career plans and futures, they're still there for me when I'm stressed about my job and stuff. Even if it's just a nice reminder that it could always be worse. I could be almost traded, then not traded, then traded after a game.

6. You ask him to accompany you to a tedious activity (dinner with wacko relatives, apartment hunting). What's his response?

-"Oh, uh, I think I have to work that day or, um, take my dog to the vet..."
-"I'll try."
-"Just tell me when and where."

The Flames do try hard, but really they're experts on tedious activities. Pretty sure the wacko relative days are over with the Sutter Clan gone and the Button's are limited to just one.

7. In bed, does he make an effort to discover all of your secret hot spots?

-Call him the carnal Christopher Columbus -- he devotes entire nights to exploring your moan zones.
-Come to think of it, not really -- maybe if you gave him a flashlight and a map.
-He tried hard, but he also expects you to search to satisfy him back.

They're the Flames- they are a hot spot. Plus this way I can alliterate "Carnal Calgary Christopher Columbus"

8. About how many days a week does he make time to hang out with you?

-Two or three, depending on how busy his schedule is.
-Four -- but if he had his way, he'd be at your doorstep all seven.
-One, and it's usually you who plans it.

They always have time to hang out- it's just me who's so busy. :-(

9. Be honest: Do you ever worry that he might cheat on you?

-Once, when he had dinner with his ex -- but you snapped out of it.
-Nah -- more like he's worries about you having a wandering eye.
-Sure, the creepy thought has crossed your mind a few times.

Hard not to have a wandering eye when there are so many more attractive teams out there. The Blues, the Penguins, the Kings... *sigh*

10. Does he ever surprise you with thoughtful little gifts?

-How about all the time -- in fact, that;s the flower delivery man right now.
-Does a pack of Trojans count?
-For special occasions like Valentine's Day and your anniversary.

I think I got a 'Happy Birthday' email from the Flames or the NHL or something once. IT COUNTS.

Unfortunately, Cosmo told me I got six questions wrong. I'm not entirely sure I understand how that works, since the quiz is not a knowledge based quiz, but I guess I'm wrong. So...go Flames? Way to be incorrectly devoted to me?

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