Calgary Flames
Rating the Headline Potential of the Top 2012 NHL Draft Prospects
A lot of things go into the selections at the NHL draft- especially in the top rounds: skating, hockey sense, puck skills, size, speed, mullet-a-bility; but if NHL writers picked draftees, only one thing would matter: how awesome of a headline can their name make?
Below are the top 20 North American skaters and the top 10 European skaters followed by a pun, a rating (1-5) for their Headline Potential. Enjoy!
1 | YAKUPOV, NAIL | NAIL’D IT | 3 | Good pun, but it’s limited (and a bit obvious) | ||
2 | MURRAY, RYAN | MURRAY UP AND SCORE | 2 | Eh. | ||
3 | GRIGORENKO, MIKHAIL | MIKHAIL TO THE VICTORS | 1 | Rough. | ||
4 | GALCHENYUK, ALEX | GALCHENYUK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU | 3 | Potential is there, but it’s tough. | ||
5 | RIELLY, MORGAN | OH REILLY? | MORGANSMIC | 3 | Good with some stretching | ||
6 | CECI, CODY | EASY AS A, B, CECI | 4 | Love it. Want it. | ||
7 | FAKSA, RADEK | FAKSA GUN IN THE WEST | 3 | Potential of it being ruined by BSG fans | ||
8 | MAATTA, OLLI | OLLI THING THAT MAATA’S | 5 | One of my favorites this year | ||
9 | TROUBA, JACOB | THEY’RE IN TROUBA! | 4 |
Only works with “trouble” and “tuba”, but that opens a lot of options |
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10 | REINHART, GRIFFIN | ALL ‘HART | 3 | Effective, but too obvious. Esp. with brothers | ||
11 | DUMBA, MATHEW | SHEER DUMBA LUCK | 4 | Not flexible, but the word it does work with is. | ||
12 | POULIOT, DERRICK | HE AND POULIOT DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD | 2 | The best I have is a Paul Simon song. Yikes. | ||
13 | GAUNCE, BRENDAN | GUANCE WITH THE WIND | 3 | Worth it, even if it can only be used once. | ||
14 | SISSONS, COLTON | SHARP AS SISSONS | 2 | Looks like it’d work, doesn’t actually | ||
15 | WILSON, THOMAS | (Anything Castaway related) | 2 | Two headlines and the Castaway thing gets old | ||
16 | FINN, MATTHEW | FINN-ALLY | 4 | Finn can work in a lot of things- especially if he goes to SJ | ||
17 | MATTEAU, STEFAN | IT MATTEAU’D TO HIM | 3 | It’s like a lesser version of Olli Maata | ||
18 | GIRGENSONS, ZEMGUS | RE-GIRGEN-TATE’N | 4 |
I have no idea in what context you could use that, but I want it to happen |
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19 | SKJEI, BRADY | SKJEI IT AIN’T SO! | 5 |
The best part about this one is the confusion it’d cause; Skjei is pronounced “Shay” |
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20 | FRK, MARTIN | FRK’N AWESOME | 4 |
Great for puns and headlines, only thing holding it back from a 5 is the obviousness of it |
1 | FORSBERG, FILIP | FORSBERG, FOR THE WIN | 2 | Kind of a stretch | ||
2 | TERAVAINEN, TEUVO | THE TERAVAINEN OF THE ICE | PTERAVAINEN STRIKES | 4 | Love it. | ||
3 | COLLBERG, SEBASTIAN | HOT AND COLLBERG | 2 | It works, but it’s nothing special. | ||
4 | LINDHOLM, HAMPUS | WHAT’S HAMPUS’N? | 3 | Entertaining, not much of a use for it | ||
5 | HERTL, TOMAS | HOW MUCH DOES THAT HERTL? | 4 |
Gives you “hurt” plus “hurtle”. And if you stretch it, “heart” |
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6 | ABERG, PONTUS | POINTS FOR PONTUS | 2 | It works, but it’s not great | ||
7 | POKKA, VILLE | DO THE HOCKEY-POKKA | 4 |
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. But also irrelevant to hockey. |
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8 | BYSTROM, LUDWIG | LET BYSTROMS BE BYSTROMS | 3. | Another great one…that’s also a one and done. | ||
9 | PROKHORKIN, NIKOLAY | FRIED PROKHORKIN | 2 | It has potential, but you’d need to get creative. | ||
10 | SLEPYSHEV, ANTON | CAUGHT A-SLEPYSHEV | 3 |
You get two words to work with here: “Slepy” and “Shev”. Neither is great, but it gives you options. |
by Arik Knapp