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Rating the Headline Potential of the Top 2012 NHL Draft Prospects

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A lot of things go into the selections at the NHL draft- especially in the top rounds: skating, hockey sense, puck skills, size, speed, mullet-a-bility; but if NHL writers picked draftees, only one thing would matter: how awesome of a headline can their name make?

Below are the top 20 North American skaters and the top 10 European skaters followed by a pun, a rating (1-5) for their Headline Potential. Enjoy!

1 YAKUPOV, NAIL NAIL’D IT 3 Good pun, but it’s limited (and a bit obvious)
2 MURRAY, RYAN MURRAY UP AND SCORE 2 Eh.
3 GRIGORENKO, MIKHAIL MIKHAIL TO THE VICTORS 1 Rough.
4 GALCHENYUK, ALEX GALCHENYUK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU 3 Potential is there, but it’s tough.
5 RIELLY, MORGAN OH REILLY? | MORGANSMIC 3 Good with some stretching
6 CECI, CODY EASY AS A, B, CECI 4 Love it. Want it.
7 FAKSA, RADEK FAKSA GUN IN THE WEST 3 Potential of it being ruined by BSG fans
8 MAATTA, OLLI OLLI THING THAT MAATA’S 5 One of my favorites this year
9 TROUBA, JACOB THEY’RE IN TROUBA! 4

Only works with “trouble” and “tuba”,

but that opens a lot of options

10 REINHART, GRIFFIN ALL ‘HART 3 Effective, but too obvious. Esp. with brothers
11 DUMBA, MATHEW SHEER DUMBA LUCK 4 Not flexible, but the word it does work with is.
12 POULIOT, DERRICK HE AND POULIOT DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD 2 The best I have is a Paul Simon song. Yikes.
13 GAUNCE, BRENDAN GUANCE WITH THE WIND 3 Worth it, even if it can only be used once.
14 SISSONS, COLTON SHARP AS SISSONS 2 Looks like it’d work, doesn’t actually
15 WILSON, THOMAS (Anything Castaway related) 2 Two headlines and the Castaway thing gets old
16 FINN, MATTHEW FINN-ALLY 4 Finn can work in a lot of things- especially if he goes to SJ
17 MATTEAU, STEFAN IT MATTEAU’D TO HIM 3 It’s like a lesser version of Olli Maata
18 GIRGENSONS, ZEMGUS RE-GIRGEN-TATE’N 4

I have no idea in what context you could use that,

but I want it to happen

19 SKJEI, BRADY SKJEI IT AIN’T SO! 5

The best part about this one is the confusion it’d cause;

Skjei is pronounced “Shay”

20 FRK, MARTIN FRK’N AWESOME 4

Great for puns and headlines, only

thing holding it back from a 5 is the obviousness of it

1 FORSBERG, FILIP FORSBERG, FOR THE WIN 2 Kind of a stretch
2 TERAVAINEN, TEUVO THE TERAVAINEN OF THE ICE | PTERAVAINEN STRIKES 4 Love it.
3 COLLBERG, SEBASTIAN HOT AND COLLBERG 2 It works, but it’s nothing special.
4 LINDHOLM, HAMPUS WHAT’S HAMPUS’N? 3 Entertaining, not much of a use for it
5 HERTL, TOMAS HOW MUCH DOES THAT HERTL? 4

Gives you “hurt” plus “hurtle”.

And if you stretch it, “heart”

6 ABERG, PONTUS POINTS FOR PONTUS 2 It works, but it’s not great
7 POKKA, VILLE DO THE HOCKEY-POKKA 4

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

But also irrelevant to hockey.

8 BYSTROM, LUDWIG LET BYSTROMS BE BYSTROMS 3. Another great one…that’s also a one and done.
9 PROKHORKIN, NIKOLAY FRIED PROKHORKIN 2 It has potential, but you’d need to get creative.
10 SLEPYSHEV, ANTON CAUGHT A-SLEPYSHEV 3

You get two words to work with here: “Slepy” and “Shev”.

Neither is great, but it gives you options.

by Arik Knapp