Latest Dive: News from the Injured Reserve

The injury plague continues to be a concern for our hometown boys as they’re now down to 11 games left. With bodies dropping left and right, we’re going to be fielding a roster that resembles the Oilers from a couple years back. It’s bad enough that we’ve had to call up Sven, which is kind of a blessing for everyone’s interest levels. Not to mention his determination and zest has given everyone some new life. There’s some additional injuries that have been lingering on the team, that haven’t been identified…

Good thing that I’m pretty close with a Dr. Rark Mecchi. He’s identified some more injuries that the Flames are playing with:

Mikael Backlund: His neck has a slight tweak from carrying all of his hair for this length of time. God forbid we don’t make the playoffs, but then we may have a new version of Chris Simon’s epic hairstyle from years gone by.

Guillaume Desbiens: Is now suffering from inverted Ethmoid bones after his fight with Kassian tonight. The only face problems we’ve seen as fans? Darryl Boyce or Mike Ricci.

Curtis Glencross: Though he’s just come back from injury, ‘Scoreface’ has caught something in his time away from the team. Dr. Mecchi has told me that it has been whittled down to ‘Crosby-itis’. The condition is described as a raised consistency in hand-eye co-ordination upon release from the injury reserve. There’s no real timetable for how long it affects one, but I’m really hoping he’s REALLY sick.

Alex Tanguay: Alex has been playing particularly well with Iginla recently. Their chemistry has regained its form from last year’s late season push. Diagnosis? He’s gained superpowers, and gone back in time to channel the vision and awesomeness of yesteryear.

Sven Baertschi: With his goal tonight, and physical play in the Bigs (even taking out Byfuglien), Sven is capturing hearts of the fanbase. He’s been infected with Cardiac kleptomania.

Greg Nemisz: Bourque-emia (characterized by a lack of emotion or desire to change or generate momentum in the games for lengthy periods of time).

Jarome Iginla: Everyone’s favorite captain has been infected with a variation of what Mr. Tanguay has caught. This string causes strong outbursts of offense, with increased happiness.

Miikka Kiprusoff: Henrik Karlsson has come back from the minors, and brought back a souvenir from Abbotsford, kryptonite. It’s a good thing that Miikka has the beard power of Chuck Norris, or else this Superman may have cost us a couple of games.

Flames fanbase: Bi-polar disorder.

Yours truly: Broken spirit now that Stajan is playing like a capable NHL-er.

by Travis Hilliard