Good afternoon, noble Flames fans. I have missed you. Not really, but to look more compassionate, I'm obliged to tell you that there's been a void in my life that you all collectively fill.
Keep it clean, kids.
Anywho, I know I've been absent for the past two Sundays here at M&G, and that's weak, but I was on vacation. The holiday season was a blur, I've already broken eight New Years Resolutions, three of which were mine, so there's no need to go and do something stupid like raising expectations by meeting deadlines.
Which I'm about to do now.
Let's not waste anymore time. This week's player of the week is...
ahahahahaha, God I'm hilarious.
The only thing surprising about this announcement is that I possibly just revealed my identity as Beesly right there. Also that righteous mane of hair J.I. used to rock during the prodigious Craig Button era. Iggy's mini dreads, I maintain, are still the highlight of the 2000-2001 season. That and the time he beat up future Superfriend Craig Conroy.
(For the record, I'm not Beesly. I don't even really know how to spell Beesly)
No brainer on this one. Obviously I'm picking this glorious Man-God based on the prettiest milestone goal ever scored from last night's tilt against the always prolific Minnesota Wild, but in a week where nothing else really went well, Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Prime Minister Eagle Jetpack Oatmeal Grindhouse Megazord Iginla was the closest thing to consistent for your Calgary Flames. (Actually, you could argue that Curtis Glencross and T.J. Brodie had better weeks, but until they score their 500th career goals, Curtis Glencross and TJ. Brodie had best watch their mouths)
True, in 4 games this week, Iginla was somewhat pedestrian (2 G, 3 pts, -2, invisible in Boston), but let's be honest. We're acknowledging the man for a moment that embodies his whole career, an unforgettable game if you're a fan of this franchise, and one goal that obliges us to reflect on the hordes of others the classiest man in the game has netted over the course of his illustrious career.
A moment that gave an entire city collective wood.
The rest of the week was a bitter disappointment, and if not for last night, by default I probably would have given the player of the week to Blair Jones or Clay Wilson, for they truly would have fit the mold of the Flame Who Sucked The Least. (a quick glance suggests Blair Jones may have been the Lightning who sucked the least last week too, in that he seemingly did nothing while the Lightning have quietly lost four in a row)
Let's just say there was a reason why the loudest the Saddledome has been in years was during the Canada Russia game at the World Juniors, also known as the site where Professional Journalist Eric Francis, armed with words, potent douchebaggery, and integrity, engaged in war with two separate countries; one being Russia, for disparaging their native sons in an ABSOLUTELY UNBIASED FASHION, and also Canada for claiming to be Canadian no matter how much we try to people we've never heard of him.
Where was I? Oh right, the Flames were terrible this week. Thank you to Jarome Iginla for helping us forget. In honour of being our figurative Forget-Me-Now (if you don't get the reference, you need to go watch every Arrested Development episode ever made or there's no chance we'll ever be friends) and numbing the pain that was the Flames road trip, Iggy is awarded the legendary Al "Wool" Coates coat, incredibly fitting not only because Al Coates was the man who brought our favourite son to Cowtown in the first place, but also because the Al Coates coat was made in Jarome's size.
3. Jarome Iginla
(just as an aside, I'm fully aware that the title of this feature I write is Anton Babchuk terrible. If any of you want to help brainstorm a much more pithy name, I'll shower you with praise and some sort of physical prize you won't even want)
This Week in Young Gun:
January 8th, 2000: Jarome Iginla earned himself the first star of the game, scoring 2 of his 500 career goals in a 3-2 overtime victory over the powerhouse Tampa Bay Lightning, who featured such perennial all stars as Ian Herbers, who apparently is some sort of hockey player, and scintillating goaltender Dan Cloutier, who you might remember for being hilarious in goal.
The Flames, earning the victory on a goal from Phil Housley, the greatest player in franchise history, won the game in front of over 14,000 slack jawed oafs at the Canadian Airlines Saddledome (oh yes), despite a significant amount of time spent on the ice by Steve Smith, the man best known for scoring the only goal in Flames history more widely recognized than any Iginla score.
Highlights from this game include a young Martin St. Louis, still in the midst of the greatest joke he ever played, convincing everyone in Calgary he was a terrible hockey player and, you have to assume, letting the Lightning in on the joke, as later in the year he would sign a contract with the Lightning, ending with a punchline that included him winning a Stanley Cup and leaving Flames fans grasping at straws for the next century.
GOOD ONE MARTY!